Devil's Taking Names

So today I got a call from my old manager while I was working, and he asked me if I'd like to interview for a job working at a hockey shop in the mall. Of course I said yes because he's the coolest boss anyone could ever have or want, and my current boss is the biggest douche on the planet. After finishing my 8 hour shift and waking up at 7 in the morning, I made my way down through shitty Reserve Street traffic, and into my least favorite place on the planet...the Southgate Mall...I talk with him for 5 minutes, which i guess it's called an interview but it didn't seem like one. He tells me he'll pay me $1 dollar an hour more than my other job, which raises my total to a whopping $7.50 an hour, yippee! He also told me that he will schedule around me, so I can work when I want. After the little chat session he asks if i could start today. I said yes, out of not knowing what the hell to say. He then left me with a price sheet and a computer, and I'm now sitting in the middle of the mall surrounded by the idiots of the world.

The only thing that's saving me from not shooting myself is this computer, with a wireless card that has fallen out at least five times, and the lack of a handy pistol. My narrow mind is on constant judging mode right now that I can hardly type. For example a 12 year old middle school girl just walked by in a mini skirt that a porn star wouldn't wear and went into Wet Seal the trashiest store in the mall, where they teach girls as young as ten how to throw up and eat less so they can fit in a pair of size -2 skinny jeans. I've seen so many fake girls that even a football team wouldn't even know what to do. There's scenesters, Guido's, gamers, child molesters pushing janitor carts, iron maiden shirts, chains, ass cracks, and middle aged women carrying $5 footlongs from Subway hoping to be like Jared but forgetting that a 44 ounce Pepsi and Mayo might outweigh their good deed from eating at Subway. "Eat fresh!" I'm in such a great mood that my friend said "you're the biggest ass hole ever, and I have no desire to talk to you about your shallow judgemental personality." Hmm not a bad quote huh?

I've gotten so caught up in my shallow judgementalness (probably not a word) that I forgot to give a setting to this boring story. Well since you're so interested, I'm situated in a wooden kiosk with nothing to sell except my vast knowledge about the Missoula Maulers, my favorite hockey team (by favorite i mean i hate them, by hate, i mean i wanna kill them all). This kiosk is in the middle of the walkway so everyone can see my bright and shinning face. I have this wafting smell of Asian food coming from Noodle Express that's making me nauseous. In front of me, like I already mentioned is Wet Seal where gorgeous 12 and 13 year olds are flooding into for back to school shopping. Oh and I forgot there's a pet land where I get an occasional animal sounds coming my way. The music is brilliant as well, it's a blend of 90's mellow rock and Michael Jackson, you just can't "Beat It." What perfect timing because that song is playing as I write.

I now have to pee and I'm starving my ass off, but I can't leave this place because we live in a world of cheap bastards who need to steal shit. I could stroll over to Noodle Express but another hour of smelling that place might make me vomit. Two people just walked by pushing baby strollers, who i recognized as former high school kids who graduated from my school, they had disgusting saggy skin so I knew that the babies were theirs..what a beautiful world we live in..

My dad just showed up with a subway sandwich in his hand, it's like an angel came down to wipe the tear from my eye. I'm so happy that not even an 8 year old girl wearing make up even bothered me. You, as my rare reader, will now be able to leave with some words of wisdom since I've gained a new perspective on life. Thank you Jared. I will bring back my friend who also stated, along with my quote from paragraph 2, that the world doesn't revolve around me, and she is totally wrong. The world revolves around all of us if you think about it, every circle of friends, and every year revolves around you. Everyone has a birthday, well at least I think so. Keep expanding this idea you'll realize that the world does revolve around you. Why else would flight attendants tell you to put on your oxygen mask before assisting others? enough said. Here's to being judgemental.

toodles,


...mikeb

Navigating the Windward Passage

Over the past week or so I’ve been trying way too hard to find what I want to write my first blog about, and after the excitement of last night I believe I finally figured it out. I just worked my 6th day of 7 and got the love of my life stolen (this would be my ipod), there was still one thing above all that pissed me off even more, and this was getting called narrow minded. Yeah I got my $300 ipod stolen by some shit head kids wondering through my neighborhood while I was getting smashed, and all I care about is a drunken ass comment from my good friend. Where are my priorities nowadays? I’ll give you a little lesson in vocabulary before I begin, narrow-minded means; Lacking tolerance, breadth of view, or sympathy. This came about because I was giving him shit about his bad music taste. I’ll give you a few examples, Cannibal Corpse, Death Clock, Coldplay, Stiletto Formal, Bullet for my Valentine, and Coheed and Cambria…I know no one will read this boring blog, but still horrible music. I understand not many like my ska punk experimental music, but at least there’s emotion for what they do. Anyhoo, he was going through his ipod and after every song I told him it was bad and I hate his music. This led to him blowing up wine sloshing in his keg cup, ranting about how “I’m narrow-minded about everything” How could I be narrow-minded? First of all I’m not racist, I have a black uncle and Hispanic cousin, and he talks about how he wants to kill them all…that’s pretty petty in my opinion. Is this “Narrow-minded?” I consider myself a liberal, and I think about others and try to help them through ruts. I’d rather ride a bike or skateboard than drive a damn car. I like intellectual conversations rather than talking about people. I’ll eat a salad before a big mac. I write poetry, take photographs, listen to independent music, read about philosophies and conspiracies, watch documentaries about evolution and intelligent design, think about life, God, Satan, and the after life, and I’d write a persuasive essay before getting my oil changed…am I narrow-minded?

If it were up to me I’d define a petty person as a racist, conservative, who follows people and doesn’t think for themselves, or doesn’t like to try new things. I may be pointing out a very large group of people but those are the individuals who I’d consider “narrow-minded.” Unless there’s another piece to this puzzle or another definition to the word. Can I really be in a different way, as in my little world of being different? I do admit I’m very judgmental, and I have a very low tolerance for certain characteristics and people in general. So this may be good, I could learn something from this stupid little blog entry. I think through my transition from the mainstream to an independent thinker I hit a point that I have blocked out every other idea apart from mine. I look upon other people as inferior, and everything that I do can be and is better than them. I still believe I am and I probably won’t stop believing that, but I will admit that I point at people way too much. I opened my mind to new sounds and places and I love where I have gotten, and now I have closed my mind to the old boring shit I now somehow hate with a passion. How did this happen? I have no idea and I probably won’t figure it out either. Now as for you shit heads, just think like I think and we’ll be chill, and if not we’ll have problems. Here’s to narrow-minds!

Toodles