Devil's Taking Names

So today I got a call from my old manager while I was working, and he asked me if I'd like to interview for a job working at a hockey shop in the mall. Of course I said yes because he's the coolest boss anyone could ever have or want, and my current boss is the biggest douche on the planet. After finishing my 8 hour shift and waking up at 7 in the morning, I made my way down through shitty Reserve Street traffic, and into my least favorite place on the planet...the Southgate Mall...I talk with him for 5 minutes, which i guess it's called an interview but it didn't seem like one. He tells me he'll pay me $1 dollar an hour more than my other job, which raises my total to a whopping $7.50 an hour, yippee! He also told me that he will schedule around me, so I can work when I want. After the little chat session he asks if i could start today. I said yes, out of not knowing what the hell to say. He then left me with a price sheet and a computer, and I'm now sitting in the middle of the mall surrounded by the idiots of the world.

The only thing that's saving me from not shooting myself is this computer, with a wireless card that has fallen out at least five times, and the lack of a handy pistol. My narrow mind is on constant judging mode right now that I can hardly type. For example a 12 year old middle school girl just walked by in a mini skirt that a porn star wouldn't wear and went into Wet Seal the trashiest store in the mall, where they teach girls as young as ten how to throw up and eat less so they can fit in a pair of size -2 skinny jeans. I've seen so many fake girls that even a football team wouldn't even know what to do. There's scenesters, Guido's, gamers, child molesters pushing janitor carts, iron maiden shirts, chains, ass cracks, and middle aged women carrying $5 footlongs from Subway hoping to be like Jared but forgetting that a 44 ounce Pepsi and Mayo might outweigh their good deed from eating at Subway. "Eat fresh!" I'm in such a great mood that my friend said "you're the biggest ass hole ever, and I have no desire to talk to you about your shallow judgemental personality." Hmm not a bad quote huh?

I've gotten so caught up in my shallow judgementalness (probably not a word) that I forgot to give a setting to this boring story. Well since you're so interested, I'm situated in a wooden kiosk with nothing to sell except my vast knowledge about the Missoula Maulers, my favorite hockey team (by favorite i mean i hate them, by hate, i mean i wanna kill them all). This kiosk is in the middle of the walkway so everyone can see my bright and shinning face. I have this wafting smell of Asian food coming from Noodle Express that's making me nauseous. In front of me, like I already mentioned is Wet Seal where gorgeous 12 and 13 year olds are flooding into for back to school shopping. Oh and I forgot there's a pet land where I get an occasional animal sounds coming my way. The music is brilliant as well, it's a blend of 90's mellow rock and Michael Jackson, you just can't "Beat It." What perfect timing because that song is playing as I write.

I now have to pee and I'm starving my ass off, but I can't leave this place because we live in a world of cheap bastards who need to steal shit. I could stroll over to Noodle Express but another hour of smelling that place might make me vomit. Two people just walked by pushing baby strollers, who i recognized as former high school kids who graduated from my school, they had disgusting saggy skin so I knew that the babies were theirs..what a beautiful world we live in..

My dad just showed up with a subway sandwich in his hand, it's like an angel came down to wipe the tear from my eye. I'm so happy that not even an 8 year old girl wearing make up even bothered me. You, as my rare reader, will now be able to leave with some words of wisdom since I've gained a new perspective on life. Thank you Jared. I will bring back my friend who also stated, along with my quote from paragraph 2, that the world doesn't revolve around me, and she is totally wrong. The world revolves around all of us if you think about it, every circle of friends, and every year revolves around you. Everyone has a birthday, well at least I think so. Keep expanding this idea you'll realize that the world does revolve around you. Why else would flight attendants tell you to put on your oxygen mask before assisting others? enough said. Here's to being judgemental.

toodles,


...mikeb